Change is in the air..
Well hello there! It's been quite a while... and by a while, I mean waaaay too long! But every once in a while, I go through changes and I for some reason always resort back to blogging.
The major change that I've gone through is graduating from highschool and going to college! Yes, I'm currently on the next educational chapter of my life, and I'm loving every second of it. Being in uni just changes your perspective and makes you grow up (especially since my parents are thousands of my miles away) and you're almost instantly expected to depend on yourself.
It definitely gets hard sometimes. I can't begin to count the number of times I've sat in my bed by myself wanting nothing than to go back home and have everything be the same way it was before. But then, I stop and realize that that's what college is all about. It's about making mistakes and experiencing new things, while learning from those experiences and allowing your mind, body, and spirit to grow and evolve.
In many ways, I still feel the same way I felt when I was back home. It almost feels like when you wait for your birthday because you feel like once you're officially a year older you feel more mature and become a completely different person, but when the day comes, you feel no different, and you think to yourself.. "why in the hell do I still feel the same?" We all expect some type of Fairy-God Mother type thing to occur to us and for us to instantly to change in a second, and that's just not the case. The same thing goes for college.
I've always expected myself to turn into this mature, independent, confident woman once I stepped onto campus and began classes, but I was in for a surprise. In more ways than one, I feel like the exact same 18 year old girl from highschool. BUT, at the same time, I have matured.
The past two months, I've had to deal with things that I had never had to deal with before. Health insurance, bank statements, shopping for groceries 100% on my own-- all these were things I had never had to do on my own before. Even dealing with classes has been a struggle. It seems as though my focus level has gone back to my "senioritis" days... No Bueno.
Another thing I've been having issues with on and off is confidence. With so many good looking people around me (an overwhelming number at that), it makes it so hard to feel good about yourself. No, I'm not a size 2 or 4, stick-thin, with a thigh gap and a super flat, toned stomach. I have big boobs and an ass, with love-handles and thighs that touch. Yes, I've been going to the gym almost religiously, and I try to eat as healthy as I can (Late Night dining makes it impossible to stick to a healthy diet though), but I still feel like I haven't reached the goals I've wanted to reach.
I wanted to come to college and within the first month, have lost 15 pounds, knew everyone in my building, had 10 different guys drooling over me, gotten vocal training and scored my first record deal. Thing is, that was highly unlikely to happen on any level. Being in a funk definitely brings you down, but if there's one thing I've learned is that the most important thing to do in this situation is to vent and let out your frustrations, then make new (attainable) goals, while be positive and move on with your life.
Once you start taking care of yourself, and start putting yourself first, then everything else will fall into place. The more you worry about the guy liking you, or not losing weight, the farther you get from achieving those things. The moment you start caring about what's important (your health, your studies, whatever), and start having this "I dont give a f*ck" attitude about life, everything will fall into place. Change is difficult, but beautiful. It is inevitable and bound to happen. It's scary but euphoric sometimes.
xoxo,
Raneem.
The major change that I've gone through is graduating from highschool and going to college! Yes, I'm currently on the next educational chapter of my life, and I'm loving every second of it. Being in uni just changes your perspective and makes you grow up (especially since my parents are thousands of my miles away) and you're almost instantly expected to depend on yourself.
It definitely gets hard sometimes. I can't begin to count the number of times I've sat in my bed by myself wanting nothing than to go back home and have everything be the same way it was before. But then, I stop and realize that that's what college is all about. It's about making mistakes and experiencing new things, while learning from those experiences and allowing your mind, body, and spirit to grow and evolve.
In many ways, I still feel the same way I felt when I was back home. It almost feels like when you wait for your birthday because you feel like once you're officially a year older you feel more mature and become a completely different person, but when the day comes, you feel no different, and you think to yourself.. "why in the hell do I still feel the same?" We all expect some type of Fairy-God Mother type thing to occur to us and for us to instantly to change in a second, and that's just not the case. The same thing goes for college.
I've always expected myself to turn into this mature, independent, confident woman once I stepped onto campus and began classes, but I was in for a surprise. In more ways than one, I feel like the exact same 18 year old girl from highschool. BUT, at the same time, I have matured.
The past two months, I've had to deal with things that I had never had to deal with before. Health insurance, bank statements, shopping for groceries 100% on my own-- all these were things I had never had to do on my own before. Even dealing with classes has been a struggle. It seems as though my focus level has gone back to my "senioritis" days... No Bueno.
Another thing I've been having issues with on and off is confidence. With so many good looking people around me (an overwhelming number at that), it makes it so hard to feel good about yourself. No, I'm not a size 2 or 4, stick-thin, with a thigh gap and a super flat, toned stomach. I have big boobs and an ass, with love-handles and thighs that touch. Yes, I've been going to the gym almost religiously, and I try to eat as healthy as I can (Late Night dining makes it impossible to stick to a healthy diet though), but I still feel like I haven't reached the goals I've wanted to reach.
I wanted to come to college and within the first month, have lost 15 pounds, knew everyone in my building, had 10 different guys drooling over me, gotten vocal training and scored my first record deal. Thing is, that was highly unlikely to happen on any level. Being in a funk definitely brings you down, but if there's one thing I've learned is that the most important thing to do in this situation is to vent and let out your frustrations, then make new (attainable) goals, while be positive and move on with your life.
Once you start taking care of yourself, and start putting yourself first, then everything else will fall into place. The more you worry about the guy liking you, or not losing weight, the farther you get from achieving those things. The moment you start caring about what's important (your health, your studies, whatever), and start having this "I dont give a f*ck" attitude about life, everything will fall into place. Change is difficult, but beautiful. It is inevitable and bound to happen. It's scary but euphoric sometimes.
xoxo,
Raneem.
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